My wife and I have twins. So one of the TV shows that has been interesting to us is "Jon and Kate Plus 8" on TLC. At first I was hesitant to comment on this family's situation because I think they need their privacy, etc. However, at the same time, they have opened their lives to our culture by having a television show chronicling their family's life together. I believe their current situation (marital struggles) deserves voice - especially since they are Christians.
First - I exhort Christians to pray for them if we are going to do anything. Not to destroy them with our words, gossip, etc. The Body of Christ is called to love and work for reconciliation of relationships. Pray for God's healing in their relationship and marriage and family.
Second - Learn from this family. One of the things they have said publicly is that they place their children first. While this is admirable, I don't believe it is biblical. In Genesis we learn that the marital relationship is the most important human relationship we have. Many people will debate this point - I pray we do it in love - about whether or not the marriage comes first or the children come first. But I believe that God has designed the world in such a way that in a family - the marriage relationship must come first. A child's greatest need is to know that mommy and daddy love each other. They need to see it. To say that we can separate or divorce and not affect our children is not possible. My pray for Jon and Kate is that they place their marriage first. Their children want and need this. If we truly desire God's best for our children, we should always work to reconcile our marriages.
Third - I'm a man. I approach life and marriage as a man. Biblically and experientially, I have learned that it is my responsibility to "own" my stuff and my shortcomings, and to work to be a better man/husband and to fulfill my wife - in other words ... make her happy and secure. Now I realize that she has responsibility to receive this ... but I have the responsibility to give it. I believe so many men in our culture do not own our problems in our marriages AND we don't take it as our responsibility to fulfill our wives. We blame them. So my final thought is that we as men need to do everything we can to love our wives and fulfill them. How far does that go? Biblically it says we are called to "love our wives as Jesus Christ loves the church." We'll quote this verse, but will we live it out? I'm not trying to be all "pie in the sky" here. I know life can be bad, real bad. Marriage can be tough, real tough. But that doesn't negate God's call on husbands to love our wives as Christ loves.
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I pray my words aren't seen as criticism or gossip. They are not meant to be. I hurt for this couple and for all couples struggling in their marriages. Let's be the Body of Christ and lift them up and encourage them and even hold each other accountable to Christ's call to love sacrificially.
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2 comments:
Bravo, John. My heart has been aching for them, and I haven't really known what to say. I've wanted to write something about it on my blog, too, because many that I know are talking about it, but I really didn't know what to say. Thanks for your words. I'm going to link other people to your blog, if that's all right. I think your words on this need to be heard.
Well said. My wife and I have always put our marriage first, even with the kids (who are grown now). I think that it builds a stability that was intended by God. Let's all know who you protect, love and will always support over all others. I hope that Jon and Kate work thru this time and stand witness to their union. ericb
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